About 6 years ago, I had given up on dating. I was done! Had too many boyfriends that treated me less than what I deserved- and I took it for some reason. I was ready to focus on me- take care of myself. Then it happened. I was singing karaoke- Me and Bobby Mcghee-Janis Joplin. (LMAO) I met my future husband. I was 33 and figured it would never happen and I was willing to accept it and be a strong independent woman. Little did I know that I could be a strong independent woman with the support of a wonderful man! January 20, 5 years ago we were married.
The sky the day of our wedding.
My brothers and Rich and I
It was important that my mom was there. She arranged everything and it could not have been more perfect! I think huge weddings are overrated and are more about the pomp and circumstance than the actual meaning of the ceremony. My family was there and that was the best! Also, nothing could be more awesome than getting married under a 100 year old Magnolia tree!
Until next time- Hope you have or find the love you deserve!
I signed up for this class a couple of months ago and as some of you may know I have been dealing with depression issues. Not because I have problems in my life but because the chemicals in my brain are whacked! I have been praying that I would feel better before this class began. The class started on Monday and I started a new Med about 8 days before. I have actually been feeling a bit better. I actually want to get up in the morning and I have been singing to music again which is major!!!
Back to the class, Hello Business, Hello Soul. It is only the second day of class and I can tell you it is absolutely amazing! It has made me seriously delve deeper into who I am and exactly what I want. It focuses you in on creating not just a $ making business but a business with soul that means something to you and urges you to keep at it! It if you want to create a business or infuse an already existing business with soul- I urge you to check out this course. I am only 2 days in and it is already blowing my mind!
Until next time- be soulful!
I am so freaking tired of being a guinea pig. Time after time I go to my Dr., still feeling like crappola. I can't really blame them because they don't know shit either!
If one med doesn't work, well, try this one. I just know that the day before, the pharmaceutical company stopped by and said- hey try this new product! Hence, me taking the position of guinea pig! I just pray that my hormone test says that mine are off, because if they are not, that means I have to keep going through these pharmaceutical hoops. It is so difficult and tasking. People that don't understand say- just move past it, do some exercise, think positive- you will feel better. They don't understand that this is not a situational depression- that I would welcome with open arms! This is a chemical depression that is here! My life is awesome! This is the best I have ever had it! However, I can not appreciate it because the chemicals in my brain are fucked up!
Must leave this rant and pray for a better tomorrow!
My last blog post proved to be pretty freaking depressing! Not really my intent, but I thought if I am to be real and authentic I should document everything- not just sunshine, rainbows and lollipops. Several times I considered taking that post down. It was too sensitive, too revealing, too scary. Then I decided to leave it up, at the least somebody may read it and realize they are not alone- not the only one who goes through these trying times. I know that when I have read some heartfelt posts they made me feel good- not alone.
I entitled this blog "Faith without Works is Dead", because I am a firm believer that faith is nothing without hard work. I have faith that I will feel better but it will take some work on my part. I just went to have my hormones tested to see where I am on those levels. I would really like to get off all the antidepressants and deal with these issues naturally if possible. The thing that sucks- all of this takes time. In the meantime where does that leave me?- feeling like shit! I thank the Universe everyday that I have wonderful family and friends that support me throughout this crappola! Courtney had been absolutely amazing and supportive- Debbie gives me a kick in the ass to do at least one creative thing a day and my husband is the cat's freaking meow! Even my girls can tell when I need a good laugh and are quite awesome at supplying that! I even have some amazing online inspirations, Pixie Polly, who gives me far away love when needed.
It has been approximately 2 weeks since I have blogged. I suck. I know. I have been so unbelievably depressed it is unreal! About 3 years ago I was diagnosed bipolar. The age of 36. Never was really aware of a problem- I thought everybody felt this way. I thought it was normal. Doesn't everybody have a melt down before they leave the house? Doesn't everybody sweat like a banshee while talking to someone? Don't you feel like you will melt into a pathetic little pile while in the midst of a conversation? Why? Why me? Why could I not have a problem that was easier cured? Why was there not a 12 step meeting for me? I have been on approximately 6 different meds in the past year. Some made me feel psychotic, some briefly helped and some did not do crap! Right now I would describe myself as functioning robot girl. I am neither excited, happy or sad. I move through the day doing my functions. Get up. get girls ready for school. Take Willow to school. Pick Willow up from school. Do laundry. Put away laundry. Make dinner. Do bathtime. Go to bed for kids. Go to bed for me. There is no joy within my day. I do not want to even exist. Every single move is soo difficult that it is difficult for me to exist. I just want to disappear.
The only thing that keeps me going is Hope. I have felt better so I know it exists! My husband and children love me no matter what and I just know it will get better.
I really don't want to bring people down with this, but perhaps relate to those who are going through this right now. Now matter how much things seem to suck- you must always have faith. You are where you are supposed to be at all times.